Galentine’s Day or Valentine’s Day? Neither Will Satisfy
“It’s like Lilith Fair minus the angst …plus frittatas.” Those are the immortal words of Leslie Knope of “Parks and Rec” fame as she explains Galentine's Day -- which is basically just Valentine’s Day for your circle of women. This new ‘holiday’ is on February 13th, when Knope and her girlfriends meet up without any boyfriends or husbands for a female-only get-together. (You can see a quick clip of her describing it here.) I know it was just a funny idea from a sitcom, but I kinda like it! How often do we take the time to honor and celebrate our friendships? I’m here for that.
Who would be around your Galentine’s table? The faces I picture are the women who walk with me or meet me at the gym; the ones whose texts make me randomly laugh out loud. They’re the ones who set me straight and pray for me. They’re the friends I send pictures from the dressing room knowing they’ll tell me the truth. They’re the ones talking to me in the bleachers and the ones that make me glad I came to work. Whoever comes to mind as you read this is in your circle -- and they’re the perfect ones to celebrate on Feb 13!
I know the Galentine's Day spirit is especially welcome for my single friends who consider it a breath of fresh air in mid-February that does not focus on finding “the one.” Why not celebrate the beautiful friends right in front of you?
But even if you’ve got an amazing circle of friends, they aren’t all you need. And neither is your boyfriend or husband. Valentine’s Day idolizes romantic relationships and suggests that a perfect mate will fulfill us, and Galentine’s Day is a fun tribute to our closest friends… but you were actually designed for even more -- five different kinds of relationships!
Finding “The One” is Not Your Purpose
We live in a culture that idolizes just ONE relationship: “the one.” Especially in February, we are surrounded by pictures of romance, sexuality, and dating/marriage relationships. If you follow the lead of our culture, you might think that your life’s purpose was wrapped entirely around finding this one special person… but I believe you were made for a much deeper, larger purpose. I love being married, but I think of the purpose of my life in a very different way! But there is no doubt the relationships around me are part of fulfilling God’s plans and purpose.
American culture in 2025 doesn’t tell this story. In my opinion, our culture isn’t a great place to seek advice about how life is supposed to work. That’s why I try to renew my mind with a different picture of life and relationships in the Bible. As a matter of fact, Romans 12:2 tells me to do exactly that!
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
I trust God for how I live because I believe He is the author of life itself - including my relationships. I believe he has a design for them, and it’s in the life of His Son Jesus. This blueprint can help us pursue and love people well in all types of relationships. It shows us the way to relationships that leave us truly satisfied - not in a constant search for “the one.”
As I explain in the intro to my new book, Blueprint for Belonging, God created multiple kinds of connections, each of which plays a key role in giving you a profound and well-rounded sense of belonging. Most of us have a few that are working well in our lives now (yay), and most of us are also living without at least one of these altogether.
Relationships that Truly Satisfy
Blueprint for Belonging explores the five types of relationships you really need. The subtitle of the book is “The Five Relationships Jesus Needed and Why You Need Them Too.” So right away, you can guess that I think even the best romantic connection or marriage on its own cannot fulfill the need you have for human connection. In the book, I break down five key relationships that we all crave as part of the experience of true belonging. These are:
Core
Circle
Comrades
Community
Crowds
Marriage is certainly beautiful and mirrors the relationship between Jesus and his Church, but it’s not the only way to experience a core connection. As a matter of fact - Jesus never even got married! In the book I put it like this: “The commitment to love one another despite flaws and through pain and hardship is why your spouse is in your core if you are married. But core friendships can also see you and love you like that too.”
The best example in the Bible of this kind of friendship is David and Jonathan. 1 Samuel 18:1 describes their brotherly relationship by saying: “The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”
When you look up that verse in BibleGateway, the first footnote adds that the life of Jonathan was “bound up” with the life of David. The two are inseparably connected through a form of love — a core love that we are designed to experience, whether it’s through marriage or platonic friendship.
However, whether you have excellent core friendships or a great marriage, it still won’t be enough. You need to discover the breadth and depth of all five.
So Valentines and Galentines can be ways we invest in our core or circle relationships. But what about community? What about comrades? What might benefit our life in the crowds that so many of us avoid? I hope to convince you that you really do need all of them to experience loving and being loved.
It’s time for a relational redesign. If you’re celebrating Galentines Day this year, good for you. I’m going out for tapas with my two favorite women. If you want to push back on the commercialized, overly-romanticized holidays like Valentine’s Day, go for it. But I hope you embrace a full design for your relational world from the God who knows how to truly satisfy your soul.
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